Dear Five Faces: I’ve been told that I’m a very Watery person, which makes sense to me since I don’t seem to be much like any of the other elements. My relationship question is can Waters even have lasting relationships? I want a deep connection, one where I can share my emotions and be myself, but I have difficulty holding boundaries. So often I lose myself in another person, which makes me feel trapped, so I pull back. Also, many times I hesitate to take the plunge into a relationship for fear that I will be left or abandoned. I want emotional and physical connections, but also time alone. Is that impossible for a Water, or are we doomed to end up loners? Signed, Wounded Water
Dear Wounded Water: It is absolutely possible for Waters to have deep and lasting relationships. But a relationship for a Water will look different than a relationship for an Earth, Fire, Wood, or Metal. What’s most important is that you understand your own needs when in relationship. And then, when you’re considering a relationship with someone, make a good guess regarding their element and be sure you understand what they’re going to need in the relationship, too. You’ve done a great job articulating some of what you, as a Water, face when in relationship. You do need profound connections and you do need time alone. And when Waters connect, they can have weak boundaries; unless guided, water will flow everywhere.
Oftentimes, a balanced Water will do well in a relationship with another balanced Water because they completely understand their needs. The relationship will feel very “flowy” and certainly profound. The challenge with a Water/Water relationship will be the lack of movement often found in a relationship on the Flow or Control Cycle. It might also be difficult getting things done.
Waters also do well in relationship with Earths because both seek deep connections, although what “deep connection” means to a Water and Earth is likely to be a bit different; Waters will usually want more alone time than Earths. And honestly, a balanced Earth is the best element at helping Waters create boundaries. The natural container for water is the earth of a riverbank or lakebed. It’s the gentlest expression of control found on the Control Cycle. That said, an out of balance Earth may need too close of a connection and become clingy, which will make it harder for you to obtain the alone time you need as a Water.
A connection with either a Wood or Metal will certainly provide structure for you and the relationship since these are two very structured elements. They are also elements that need alone time, too, which will be a great fit for a Water. You will find a sense of nurturing in the connection with either Metal or Wood because they both relate to you on the Flow Cycle. Since Water flows to feed Wood, you might find a relationship with Wood to be more demanding that a relationship with Metal, which flows to feed Water. And of course, your personality enters in here – what do you like about relating to people (when you decide to relate to people)? Does history excite you? Metals are great at the past. Or are you more interested in the future and planning? Woods are great at that.
Finally, a connection with Fire will provide you with a glimpse of the excitement and passion personified by Fire; you will see the fun of NOW. However, Water is the control for Fire and it might become a bit exhausting to keep a Fire in check. And neither Water nor Fire have great boundaries. But again, with the right Fire, your personality and theirs might be the perfect mix of yin and yang.
I also want to point out that when a relationship ends, it’s usually painful and can leave us hesitant (or in your case, fearful) to go through the whole mess again some day. Any element will feel this way, but Waters go to the fear more easily than the others. Bravo to you for stepping up to claim a relationship! I encourage you to ponder what I’ve offered here (which as a Water, I know you will) and work on keeping yourself balanced. Make sure your Water is stable and vibrant, and when you find yourself attracted to someone, assess their element and consider what it will mean for you to relate intimately to them. Whether it’s another Water, or an Earth, Fire, Metal, or Wood, each connection will have strengths and challenges for you. Be prepared for them and if you stay balanced yourself, I think you’ll find that Waters can go deep and enjoy lasting connections. Good luck!