Dear Five Faces: I hope you can help me. I started dating a guy last spring and we connected right away. I just loved being with him; we laughed and had fun all summer. It was perfect and seemed to get better and better, so I thought he might be the one. But as winter has rolled in, he’s drifted away and I’m left wondering what happened. I’m new to the elements, but my mom says I’m an Earth and she suspects that Jason is a Fire. Is there anything I did that might have driven him away? Signed, Crazy for a Fire
Dear Crazy for a Fire: You are very lucky to have such a wise mom. Knowing how the elements interact with each other will probably make it a bit easier to understand what went on with Jason. If Jason is a Fire and you are an Earth, it would make perfect sense that the relationship seemed so right to you. Fire feeds Earth, so it would have felt very natural for you to connect with a Fire. An earthen hearth is also a good container for Fire, which means Jason may well have felt able to be himself with you. So what happened?
The good news is that both Earth and Fire care deeply about connections. The bad news is that Earths want long-term connections while Fires are usually into more intense, short-term connections. As an Earth, you are more likely to see the beauty of a developing relationship, while Jason will revel in the fun and intensity of the initial contact. This doesn’t mean that Fires can’t have long-term connections. They certainly can. But how they do this and what a long-term relationship looks like for a primary Fire depends a great deal on what their secondary element is and the elemental makeup of the person with whom they have the relationship. As I said, an Earth could be a comfortable fit for a Fire, but it takes a lot more than that to create a stable relationship, as I’m sure you know.
I really encourage you not to take it personally that Jason has drifted out of the picture. At an elemental level, there could be several reasons for this, all of which have very little to do with you. First, pure Fires have a hard time staying in any relationship for the long haul because they are drawn to the intensity of the exciting, new connection. It’s not that Jason became bored with your relationship; it’s possible that he just craved the rush of newness. Also, Fires don’t like boundaries – they enjoy the freedom that comes from jumping around.
As an Earth, you look at relationships as deep commitments, so through no fault of your own you might have been sending signals to Jason that felt a bit confining. And finally, winter is Water time, and Water is the natural control for Fire. Jason might be someone whose Fire diminishes in winter making connections less important during that time. The reverse of this is also true: Fires will especially love connecting during summer, which is their season.
All of these are possible explanations for why Jason might seem to be cooling. You don’t mention your age, but I suspect that you have years of dating opportunities ahead. Your experience with Jason may have been an excellent teacher showing you the fun of Fire. But each element brings a beauty and a gift in relationship. I sincerely hope you can experience all of these in your life.
And do keep studying the elements. Once you connect deeply with someone (which as an Earth, you absolutely will), understanding the dynamics among the elements will always help you make sense of your relationships, even with a Fire! Good luck!