Dear Five Faces: I’m an Earth and one of my close friends is a Fire. I know that may seem odd because I’m a slow mover and Sammy jumps all over, but our friendship has been growing for almost a year now, so something must be working. However, a problem has crept in during the past few months that I’m not sure how to handle. Lately, I’ve caught Sammy lying to me. It hasn’t been big things, but it’s made me begin to question if I can trust her. For example, we agreed to buy a birthday gift together for a common friend, but then Sammy went in on a gift with someone else. Also, we set up a time to meet for dinner, but she never showed. Later, I found out she was at the movies with her brother. What can I do? Signed, Being Lied To
Dear Being Lied To: First, let me say that an Earth/Fire friendship is not at all odd. You two relate via the Flow Cycle, which is very nurturing. As an Earth, a connection with Sammy will have an undercurrent that feeds you. And Sammy probably appreciates her relationship with you because an earthen hearth is a very natural and safe container for fire. The blend of your Earth stability and Sammy’s joyful Fire is sure to be good for both of you.
What I think is going on for you and Sammy is something that occurs in every relationship: the newness is wearing off, and so is the good behavior we all exhibit at the start of a new connection. This isn’t to say that Sammy doesn’t care about you as much, it’s more that she trusts your connection enough to relax into more of her real self. And for her, that means more of her natural Fire will come out.
Remember that Fires are in the “now;” they are truly less concerned with the past or the future. The freedom to be spontaneous matters a great deal to them and I have known many Fires who make plans for the future with every good intention of following through, only to become distracted by something else in the now and miss the planned event entirely. Fires can also forget that they gave a yes to someone about something and then give a conflicting yes to a different person in the now.
What all this means is that I serious doubt that Sammy is lying to you. I think she probably had every intention of going in on a gift with you, but forgot that and then leapt in a Fiery way at a different opportunity in the now. The same is also likely true about your movie date. That is just often the way of a Fire. And perhaps you have been the recipient of spontaneous plans with Sammy. That can be some of the great fun with Fires.
There is one note of caution about your relationship that I do want to offer, but I’ll start with good news first. Both Fires and Earths care deeply about connections. For both of you, it is a top priority. However, as an Earth, you will care about deep and lasting connections. But Sammy, as a Fire, will care more about quick and fun connections, and much less so about lasting ones. You need to accept this as part of who Sammy is, and she needs to know this about you.
This doesn’t mean your friendship with Sammy is doomed. But it does mean that you can’t assume you’re on the same page regarding your friendship. I suggest you have a talk with Sammy (not too heavy – her Fire will flee), sharing your desire to count on her honoring her commitments with you. And since your Earth has much more structure than her Fire, a kind act on your part would be to contact her a day or two before your plans to remind her. It’s the perfect mix of Fire and Earth, and a true friend will always appreciate the support. Good luck!