Dear Five Faces: I’m writing because I’ve had the great misfortune to fall in love with a wonderfully funny and outgoing guy. We met on a blind date and he’s like no one I’ve ever been with before. I laughed more than I’ve laughed for years that first evening, so naturally agreed to see him again. It’s been a whirlwind of activity, which is so out of character for me. All of my well-ordered ways seem to have gone out the window since Tad’s been in my life, and while part of me finds this exciting, another part is afraid that I’m losing who I am. I’m new to the Five Elements, but can tell you that Tad is an actor and I’m a software programmer. Should I just stop seeing him now before it really hurts? Signed, Losing My Way
Dear Losing My Way: It sounds to me like you are a Metal and Tad is a Fire. This is a Control Cycle relationship and will very likely feel a bit uncomfortable to you at times. As a Metal, order and process are important to you, and will be especially important to a software programmer. Plus, Metals value control. Tad, as a Fire, will see less value in order and in fact, might find too much order a bit boring. Fires appreciate spontaneity and fun, which as you have aptly described, isn’t something Metals usually experience on their own. Their well-ordered and structured lives are usually the exact opposite of the life of a Fire. So, yes, a relationship between Fire and Metal could well put both of you outside of your comfort zones. And honestly, that might be a good thing!
If you have a tendency to be a workaholic, Tad can balance that for you with his desire to have fun. If you find yourself clinging to what you perceive as necessary order, Tad can bring some playful chaos into your life that will shake things loose. And if you know in your heart that you need control to feel safe, Tad can melt your Metal in a gentle way that will ease the stress of maintaining control at all costs.
And you can be good for Tad, too. Your Metal can bring some order to his flighty ways, and some structure to his spontaneity. A Fire/Metal relationship can work well for both elements, as long as you each understand what matters to the other and don’t cross that line. Too much chaos will drive you crazy; your Metal will melt to a puddle, unable to perform any of your cherished Metal functions. Too much structure will reign in Tad’s exuberance and could make him feel lifeless.
At the very least, a relationship with Tad will be refreshingly different for you. I encourage you to be open and honest with Tad about your needs, and ask him to do the same with you. Then relax and have fun, and see where things go. If you two work well together, you can be the best thing that happened to each other. If not, if your Metal melts too much, then it might be time to thank him for the experience and move on. Only you will know. Good luck!