Dear Five Faces: I’m wondering if you can help me with my new boyfriend. I’ve been dating Skip ever since we met at a friend’s party about six months ago and it’s been a blast! He’s funny, outgoing, and really exciting to be with. His hobby is stand up comedy and he focuses on performing for charity events. He’s got a big heart. The problem is that I’m funny and outgoing, too, so there are many times when we seem to be competing for the spotlight. I know I’m a Fire, but I think Skip’s a Fire, too. Is that possible? We aren’t seeing other people anymore, but do we have a chance of staying together? Signed, Flames in Florida
Dear Flames: It’s totally possible that you and Skip are both Fires. A big priority for Fires is connecting with other people, and parties are a great place to do that. The challenge is that Fires also love to keep moving, so not many of the quick meetings from parties turn into long-lasting relationships. The fact that you and Skip are still together speaks well of your chances. That’s the good news. The bad news is that there are very specific challenges that will come with a Fire/Fire relationship, but knowing about them upfront will help a lot.
First, congratulations for making it six months! As I said, Fires emphasize quick connections, not long-term relationships. That you and Skip are dating each other exclusively says that one, or both, of you may have Earth as a secondary. Skip’s big heart is part of his Fire, but it also speaks of Earth. That he performs at charity events says he might well be a secondary Earth. That’s great! And whether you have Earth as a secondary or not, if you remember to stand in your own Earth when the battle for the spotlight occurs, that can make a difference. Earths need long-term relationships and are willing to do what it takes to keep them.
With two Fires, the struggle to be the center of attention is going to happen again and again, in private and public places. Often you might be able to make it a team act, but there are going to be times when that won’t work for one or both of you. When that happens, you’ll have to take turns being the star. The sooner you work out a way to handle this, the better. Perhaps whoever set up the event you’re attending can claim the lead. Or maybe you just take turns. But talking about it ahead of time will save countless problems and blowups.
There’s no doubt that a Fire/Fire relationship will be fun and exciting. There will probably be constant repartee between you, much like a stand-up routine. Your life will also be a social whirl since Fires like to stay busy. Again, it’s good that you will both want this; your life together will never be boring. But it could be exhausting. When a Fire is in a relationship with any other element, it’s usually the non-Fire partner (or parent, friend, associate, etc.) who reminds the Fire that even they need down time. With two Fires, there’s no one to do this, so you will need to regulate each other. This probably won’t be too big an issue for either of you if you stay in Earth. Earths love to help take care of people.
Perhaps the biggest issue is going to be the fact that at six months, the newness is wearing off and that’s usually not a good thing for Fires. As you move forward, watch for signs of stress in yourself or Skip. You will know if one or both of you is stressed because you’ll start acting like a dysfunctional version of your normal selves. Under stress, Fire’s primary need to connect with someone distorts and usually manifests either as a panicked attempt to push a connection or an ineffective, scattered attempt at being with people. If either of you start looking pushy or scattered, you’ll need to take a deep breath and work on the stress. Here are a few quick fixes for Fires under stress:
- Meditation: The silence and solitude helps calm and center Fires. Breathe Awareness meditations are especially calming for Fires.
- Temperature change: Fire people tend to run hot, so cool water often helps them. Splash cold water on your neck and face, or have Skip literally jump in a lake.
- Use Neurovascular Points: Each element has specific points on the head known to balance their emotional state. Using them not only calms the person, but also reprograms their energies to hold the balance longer. To access the points for Fire, place the palm of one hand across the back of the skull directly behind the eyes and the other palm across the front of the forehead. Hold gently for 2 to 5 minutes.
By staying aware of the problem signs and stepping in before things burn out of control, I believe you and Skip can create a lasting relationship that focuses on fireworks instead of firestorms. Good luck!