Dear Vicki: I am a primary Water, secondary Wood having relationship troubles the world. Everything feels so harsh out there and getting worse. Everywhere I go I encounter people who are aggressive, bullying, and/or controlling. It must be me attracting them, right? But why? The world is meant to be easy going, peaceful, loving, and full of people pulling together. That’s what all the elements want, isn’t it? But that sure isn’t happening. My Water would like to hide under the covers and never come out, but my Wood says that won’t get me anywhere. What is out of balance? Can I change the world around me? Signed: Mrs. Worn Down and Exhausted
Dear Mrs. Worn Down: I love your statement that the Five Elements model wants everyone to pull together and get along. That is wonderful, and true! But pulling together and getting along might not always look easy going, peaceful, and loving to everyone. It depends on the elemental filters through which we view the actions of others. In fact, what looks to you like aggression or bullying might be seen as an act of “tough love” to someone else. And what seems easy going and peaceful to you might seem controlling to someone else. It all depends on our elemental wiring and the wiring of the people with whom we relate. Remember that within the Five Elements model there are three possible kinds of relationships. We can relate via the Nurturing Cycle, via the Controlling Cycle, or with someone who is the same element as we are.
Nurturing Cycle relationships often do feel nurturing, as well as easy going, peaceful, and loving. On the other hand, Controlling Cycle relationships usually won’t feel that way, even thought there’s just as much love in these relationships. Controlling Cycle love often looks and feels more like tough love. As the name implies, these relationships can feel controlling, with some aggression and even bullying thrown in. What it feels like relating to someone who is the same primary element will depend on what element both people have as their primary. Relationships between two Earths will be very different from relationships between two Woods or two Fires. The kind of relationship we are in will affect how we perceive everything.