Dear Vicki: I’m in my mid-twenties and have been dating Aaron for almost six months. We really click and our time together has been a blast. We’ve been to lots of amazing restaurants – I’m a real foodie – and also spent time in places he enjoys like museums and science lectures. Things were going really well and I assumed we were headed for a permanent relationship. So two weeks ago, I shared with him that I got pregnant at 18 and put the baby girl up for adoption. Letting her go (especially to a closed adoption) was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I knew she needed more than I could give her at that point in my life. Especially because my parents and the father wanted nothing to do with her. Since I told Aaron this, he hasn’t exactly dumped me, but he has definitely pulled back. I asked if what I shared bothered him, but he says it’s just really busy at the engineering firm where he works. What can I do to make things right? I really love him. Signed: Iced Out in Inglewood
Dear Iced Out: Your desire for honestly is commendable, and there was probably no perfect time to share that kind of information with Aaron. It is true that someone contemplating spending the rest of their life with you needs to know about your baby, but for a number of reasons, it appears Aaron wasn’t quite ready. Let’s take a quick look at the dynamics of your relationship and see what we can do to help you through this.
Putting someone else’s needs over your own as you did when you allowed a couple to adopt your baby says that you probably have a lot of Earth energy in your personality. Foodies usually have a lot of Earth, too. The fact that you perceived you and Aaron heading for a permanent relationship also supports the likelihood that you are an Earth personality because Earths see every relationship through the lens of possible permanence. Aaron, on the other hand, sounds like he could be a Metal personality. Metals love the past and exploring history in museums. They also love understanding how things work (hence the science lectures). The fact that he’s an engineer also supports the idea that Aaron is a Metal person. Engineering is all about developing the best possible way to do something, and Metals strive for perfection.