Why Does She Fall Out of Love in the Fall?

Dear Vicki: Jim and I started dating 16 months ago. I believe he is an Earth/Water and I love being a Fire – it really helps me be a good teacher. Summers with Jim have been a dream; my Fire flares up and I feel free, funny, and in love with everything. But when school starts, I throw myself into teaching and our relationship takes a 180-degree turn. When that happens, Jim tries even harder to make me happy, but I want to focus on teaching my kids, so feel like pushing him away. In the Fall, I don’t have the time or energy to keep us entertained and really don’t want to owe him for all the wonderful things he does for me while I’m teaching. I know he’s just trying to be nice, so I don’t really understand my intense, angry reaction towards him. Also, Jim is a great artist, but doesn’t seem to take his career seriously. He always has work, but is so laid back about things that sometimes I want to jump in and manage his career. I do love him and want it to work between us for a long time, but why do I stop loving him every Fall? Signed: Frustrated Fire

Dear Frustrated Fire: It is absolutely possible for you to have a long-term relationship with Jim, but you will need to be mindful of your energies and manage them well. As a Fire, you know that you love connecting and having fun with people, but your Fire energy doesn’t necessarily need for those connections to last very long. On the other hand, Jims primary Earth will want lasting, long-term relationships. The good news for you is that long-term relationships between a Fire and an Earth can feel happy and natural for both people. It’s a Nurturing Cycle relationship where Fire feeds Earth. In nature, an earthen hearth is the perfect structure to hold and support fire allowing it to burn stable and steady, something that fire doesn’t often do left to its own devices. As an Earth, Jim can provide this gentle structure for you and your Fire.

One of the reasons you feel so happy and in love during the summer is that summer is your season. During summer everyone is a little more Fire as we loosen the structure of work, take vacations, and devote more time to play. Life is fun! The two summers you’ve been with Jim, you have had a ready companion to hold your Fire. I suspect you have actually been able to be more of your Fiery self your two summers with Jim because he has held the space for you. That would make your summers with Jim seem very much like a dream. But summer can’t last forever, and I think part of the problem you’re having in your relationship is the advent of Fall and the energy it brings. Autumn is Metal time and it calls us to slow down and turn inside. For you as a teacher, it also asks you to get serious about your profession. To do this, I think you allow your secondary element to influence you more than you know, and I have little doubt that your secondary is Wood.

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It’s Fall: Everything’s a Bit More Metal

Dear Vicki: I’m a newlywed who recently started studying the five elements and I sure have a question about my husband. Dick and I have been together for a year and married three months ago. Based on what I’ve read, I really think Dick is a Fire. He’s funny and outgoing and laughs a lot. Plus, he loves attention and was practically manic this summer, he was so happy. But now that it’s fall, I’m wondering if he might be a Metal. He’s obsessed with getting the dead plants out of our garden, wants to have wills drawn up right away, and snapped at me yesterday for making his mom’s chili recipe in a different way. Could he have turned into a Metal because it’s fall? Signed, Snapped At In Sagamore

Dear Snapped At: The short answer is that we do not change elements with the seasons. Our primary affiliation stays the same all year (and our whole life). If your husband is a primary Fire, he will be a Fire in summer, fall, winter, and spring.

That said, the cosmic seasons certainly affect us. Fall will make us all a bit more Metal, just like spring will bring out our Wood energy, winter our Water energy, and summer our Fire energy. This means summer will make your Fire husband a bit more fiery, so Dick could be a ramped-up version of himself all summer long, which may or may not be a good thing. But once fall hits, he begins to settle down under the influence of Metal, which it sounds like you may not be enjoying these days. No worries, though, Dick’s Fire will never let him manifest too much Metal; it will always try to soften the edges and rules because Fire controls Metal.

The other elements also feel more Metal energy in the fall, but how this manifests depends on their relationship with Metal:

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