Is it Personal? A Friend Suddenly Changes

Dear Vicki: I’m having a difficult time with one of my best friends. Gail and I have been very close for several years now, ever since we met working at our community garden. She is usually a caring and thoughtful person and we have a lot in common, especially our love of gardening and our children. I read your blog and know a little about the elemental personalities, so have assumed that Gail is an Earth personality, like me. But lately I think she might be a Fire personality because she does everything fast—eats fast, walks fast, talks over you when you try to say something, and finishes your sentences. She’s also been impulsive and acts without thinking things through. Anyway, the reason I’m writing is that my husband and I welcomed our first grandchild a year ago. While Gail was initially enthused about Robby, for the past six months she’s seemed really uninterested. She never asks about him anymore and I’ve stopped mentioning him. It’s gotten to where I can’t be myself around her and it’s ruining our friendship. What can I do? Signed, Grandma

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Dear Grandma: The birth of children and grandchildren are some of the deepest changes we can experience in our lives. They can reorder our priorities and affect everything, including our relationships. Your assessment that Gail has a primary Earth personality is likely correct given that she loves gardening and children so much. But Earth people usually love talking about all children, including grandchildren. Something must be going on for Gail that’s affecting her Earth energy. To look at this, I’d like to consider Gail’s “secondary” elemental personality.

You suggest that in addition to Earth, Gail has a lot of Fire in her personality and on the surface that could be true. But the traits you mention can also describe someone with out of balance Wood energy. Doing things too fast frequently happens with a poorly focused Wood person. Finishing people’s sentences and interrupting are rude manifestations of an impatient Wood person. And impulsiveness is often the result of a frustrated Wood person. Honestly, it sounds to me like Gail’s personality is more Earth and out of balance Wood than it is Earth and Fire.

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