Dear Vicki: I’m writing about my son, Kirk. He’s a quiet, loner kind of teen and a very talented artist. Last fall Kirk signed up for a drafting class with a teacher I’ll call Mr. Lane. Kirk loved the artistic aspects of the class and appreciated the structure Mr. Lane brought. All was well until Mr. Lane received our district’s Teacher of the Year award. According to Kirk, after that Mr. Lane began demanding greater accuracy and precision from this beginning drafting class. He also started bragging about the award and other accomplishments he’d had that the students would probably never obtain. Kirk is having a really hard time with this and wants to quit the class. Is there anything I can do to help him stay in a class he loved? Signed, Mom Who Cares
Dear Mom: It’s very unfortunate that a class Kirk so enjoyed has taken such a turn for the worse. And of course, it’s a difficult situation because Kirk is in no position to challenge how his teacher acts. But I do think there is a very definite elemental personality interaction occurring between the two, so let’s see if we can offer some assistance to Kirk.
You describe your son as a “quiet, loner kind of teen and a very talented artist.” In the Five Elements model, this would equate to the Water personality. And based on your descriptions of Mr. Lane, it sounds like he is a primary Metal personality; precision and structure are hallmarks of the Metal element. It says a lot about Kirk’s flexibility that he was able to embrace the structure Mr. Lane brought to the drafting class. Water people usually don’t appreciate someone interfering with their “go with the flow” nature. Clearly, your son is open enough to being guided (which can also be a Water energy trait in balanced Water people) that he embraced Mr. Lane’s direction. Good for him.
Dear Vicki: My high school senior is having problems with one of her teachers. I know, what high school student doesn’t have teacher problems, right? But my concern is that the dynamic between Jillian and Mr. Smith could set a tone for the rest of Jillian’s educational life. She’s an outgoing, fun-loving, teenager who excels at the more social aspects of high school like cheerleading and parties, but generally gets respectable grades. Mr. Smith is deliberate (Jillian calls him boring), thoughtful, and what I would call deep. Jillian finds his history class boring and thinks everything about him is a “total downer” (other than the fact that he frequently lets them out of class early). Consequently, she isn’t doing well in the class. I don’t want to let her drop it, but is there some way to help her appreciate his deep approach to learning? Signed, A Concerned Mom
Dear Concerned Mom: Bless you for caring enough to help your daughter understand her teacher instead of just letting her bolt from the class. I think there is a definite possibility of offering Jillian a lesson in relationship dynamics as you assist her in better understanding her history teacher. Here’s how you might approach the situation.
Based on how you and Jillian describe him, it seems pretty likely that Mr. Smith is a Water personality. Water people are deep and thoughtful, love pondering the greater truths of the world, and often use wisdom from the past to inform current and future learning. Jillian, on the other hand, sounds like a Fire personality. Fires love socializing, being the focus of attention, and standing out in a crowd. If we use the Five Elements model, we will see that Jillian and Mr. Smith relate to each other via the Controlling Cycle where his Water energy controls her Fire energy. Few Fire people like having Water rain on their parade, so it’s understandable that Jillian reacts negatively to Mr. Smith.